
You're a 25-32 year old female.


A lot has happened. I got married, (it was awesome!) we renovated our bathroom, (not so awesome -- the people at my gym and McDonald’s quickly worked out that I was only there for one thing) and I re-kindled my love for Tina Fey (I watched all of 30 Rock Season 3 in one sitting). The woman is magic. I kind of want to be her, but I’d settle for her friendship – she could be my go-to girl for all sorts of late night cheese eating and bad tv watching. (I think I may be conflating Ms Fey with her alter-ego Liz Lemon, but let me indulge this fantasy.)
Fey has an impressive biography: becoming the first female head writer on Saturday Night Live, penning the script for the teen comedy Mean Girls, writing, producing and starring in 30 Rock, entertaining America (and the rest of the world) with her uncanny Sarah Palin impersonation and winning seven Emmy awards in the process.
Interestingly, Fey has been the subject of an online backlash of sorts – she accepted a Golden Globe award thus: “If you ever start to feel too good about yourself, they have this thing called the Internet. You can find a lot of people there who don’t like you.” Fey then told her ‘haters’ on the LA Times website “Babsonlacrosse, Dlanefan and Cougarletter”, to “suck it”. I love that she was a little vulnerable to criticism, but survived to tell the tale. She also seems to like other women – famously hiring Amy Poehler to replace Jimmy Fallon for their ‘Weekend Update’ segment on SNL.
And then there’s the scar – apparently caused by a rather dramatic slashing incident as a child. What is even more impressive is that she doesn’t like to discuss it. She told Vanity Fair: “It’s impossible to talk about it without somehow seemingly exploiting it and glorifying it.” Restraint. In Hollywood. Unheard of.
But the thing that I love most about her is her writing. It's genius. What about the comedy gold she gave to Salma Hayek: ‘Lemon, isn’t there a slanket somewhere you should be filling with your farts?’ Or her creation of uber manager Jack Donaghy, thereby totally resurrecting Alec Baldwin’s career? My favourite is her Sarah Palin line, uttered during the campaign: “I believe marriage is a sacred institution between two unwilling teenagers.” Yikes. Particularly pertinent given the controversy surrounding Bristol Palin's recent engagement. Maybe she can see into the future! Maybe she really is magic! Tina Fey – I salute you.



You know how sometimes, you think you are in for one kind of experience, and you end up completely diverted through no fault of your own? Like when you went to someone else’s house as a child and you thought you were getting Vegemite, but it was actually Promite and it was so, so wrong? You’d happily existed on this earth without ever having run into Promite, but your friend insisted that it was just as popular in other countries and was essentially the same thing and you just didn’t know what to believe in any more?
This happened to me a few years ago when I picked up the book Skinny Bitch by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin – ‘A no-nonsense, tough love guide for savvy girls who want to stop eating crap and start looking fabulous.’ I’d had a pretty indulgent Christmas and was vulnerable at the airport, killing time in their overpriced bookshop. I was attracted to the deceptive Chick Lit drawing on the front and thought: ‘That’s me! I’m savvy! I want to look fabulous! This sounds like fun!’ What I got was a dossier on the horrors of the food industry that read like Mein Kampf for Veganism and 'pure' eating. I was railroaded into being at the very least a vegetarian as they yelled things at me like: ‘Coffee is for pussies’ (ok, I see where you’re going with this) and ‘Suck your mother’s tits. Go on. Suck your mother’s tits’ (now dairy is out) and ‘You are a total moron if you think the Atkins diet will make you thin.’ (This came from a chapter entitled the ‘Dead, Rotting, Decomposing Flesh Diet'.) Rory and Kim achieved their aim – they conned me into reading their book and made one more person a vegetarian. This lasted about 3 years. I was doing well and then started to waver. I blame bacon. It smells fabulous and that’s nothing compared with the salty, salty goodness that enchants your taste buds when you eat it. My friends devoured in front of me while I was trying to make do with avocado and tomato on toast. I hadn’t yet faltered, but I was teetering on the brink. So I prayed for a sign, and I got one while watching Ellen one day. It was all innocuous stuff. Ellen was jokin’, Ellen was dancin’ with the ladies and then Ellen was interviewin’ Jonathan Safran Foer about his book Eating Animals. The usually fictional writer had just had a baby boy and wanted to be more informed about what he was feeding his kid. He went a huntin’ for information about meat and how it gets to our plate. He was so sweet! So knowledgeable! But importantly, since he too had shilly-shallied in his vegetarianism, he wouldn't yell at me.
So I read the book. And I cried like a child who’s just found out that Santa isn’t real. The way he describes how a factory farmed animal lives and dies would break the heart of the most hardened carnivore, and then comes the information about the correlation between diseases and meat, environmental destruction and meat, species extinction and meat…you get the idea. What’s great about this book, however is that Safran Foer thoroughly examines each perspective, searching for answers. He interviews activists, hobby farmers, factory farmers, vegetarian ranchers, slaughterhouse employees and many others. He’s not trying to blame anyone, he’s just working out what to feed his family. And so I’m back on the path. And like James Brown, I feel good. It was just the diversion I needed.



